Bewildered Paradox

I have according to the previous generation crossed the age of being already hitched!

So thinking to myself, I literally Google-ed Signs to look for in a Man you are about to marry...
To my notice, it was kind of strange, A girl, who I think has everything from the colour scheme of her first apartment sorted to the car interiors, even the names of my babies, have to Google something so ridiculously silly.

Every girl out there dreams about her wedding day, even before she can spell it, but as the time approaches, at least I did withdrew myself. Why? I ain't a commitment phobic. Not boasting but cooking, cleaning, organizing comes naturally to me. So why is it that I am not ready? No don't presume, I don't let my inglorious haunting past rule me.

The logic is pretty simple, Marriage is not a shopping spree where you can return the product of it doesn't fit well, or the material isn't suitable, the colour doesn't compliment your skin. Its a life long bond, the one you have to live with, the one you have to wake up beside every single morning, the one where you have to make love to not physically but spiritually, mentally & soulfully. The choice & decision isn't easy, is it?

The time has changed where the children had to marry the one the folks choose and compromise to have a life, to live or just to exist. Other facets of life very much do play a crucial role. Career, past relationships, sexual partners, salary, investments, general body check up (seriously!), qualification, etc etc. It so goddamn difficult to choose one where you can give yourself completely to, but what if he isn't what you pictured him to be? What if your choice goes horribly wrong? Then what? Life isn't finished but who on this planet wants to marry a couple of times? Nobody really wants a divorce do they?

Theres a reason Love is blind & 'For always, come rain or shine' because we humans don't have a control over it, you cannot choose whom to fall for, whom to offer your virginal purity, it just happens? SO WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LET IT HAPPEN? over time, slowly, beautifully, unfolding the mystic folds of a passionate relationship? Why can't we have a sane say on the time we choose to tie the sacred bond?

Marriage thus proved if forced it, your own people forcing you to be with a total complete stranger, use his bathroom, his bed, his house, HIM etc without even having the comfort level to do so? Isn't this utterly moronically dull witted? If people still want the potential ready to marry individuals to  eat French fries from behind the veil, then damn why educate us and push us to have a mind & a thought process of our own? Its like coming to the inception of our brain, mind, soul again. Useless & completely destructive.

But mind you, meeting guys is an amazing activity to kill time, provided you are lucky, as long as

1. His mothers doesn't analyse you like you are some defective saree, she is forced to see as the merchant is trying to sell you to her.
2. His relatives try to be superbly sugarcoated which can shoot ones sure level to 310 maybe, trying to pretend they are the best family to join hands with.
3. His mother again, looks like you as a dead piece of meat adjusted beside a handsome cock Pun maybe intended.
4. Horribly irritating when the poor guy blushes & acts shy... Dude like seriously! If you are a Man, be one!
5. The most awkward one, when your poor parents boasts about your cooking and management skills #killmenow How the hell am I suppose to react? Blush?
6. The epic one, Why should I even be drapped in saree or dress up like I am attending a wedding? Isn't it like the K serials, I am not this in real life? #deception.

There is  more trust me, a lot more, which I cant mention without actually being a little itsy bitsy foul. Practising clarity & acceptance of the actual person is what it should be like right? Then why market & advertise us? And a good product doesn't really require such aggressive Integrated Marketing Communication? So the fault eventually is in me!

The almighty knows whats in store for all, but the journey is tad bit tedious, I must say! 

What are they made of..?????

                  Me and Mum usually have record breaking fights, and we never had a single fight where mum didnt utter"Nighun ja ekadachi, parat tond dakhavu nakos..." i.e. "Go away, i never wanna see you again". We had such a fight one Sunday, I don even remember the reason now... But we patch up, immediately.. the argument doesn't last for more den an hour or so...

                   The same day I got a call from an MBA institute, I learned I have passed with flying colours in the entrance test. they wanted to meet me for the PI... I was thrilled...!! MBA was on my list since I passed my SSC, & away from home, in a hostel.. was like icing on the cake with cherry atop. I told dakku bout it, n as usual he was ok with it, we planned going to Pune on the coming Saturday.

                   All was fine till then, the day arrived, I was all dressed in formals, waiting for the PI, i wasn't really nervous or anything, but yeah there was a strange feeling in my stomach,you know the one you get before appearing for the exam. We reached, sat for sometime while the representative explained the admission procedure, the fee structure etc etc...I didn't pay much attention, was waiting for the PI.. Since it was a weekend the PI happened in the same room were my parents were seated, you must be knowing how weird that moment is, but it wasn't going to change so i adapted myself. the interview went beautifully, i can say that by the look on my dakkus face, he looked so proud :') and i knew what I wanted to do, And I nailed it. yabadabadooooo..
                  I was happy, so were they. In a weeks time I'll be there studying.. wink wink... we sat in the car & both started acting weird. Mum got irritated for no reason, Dakku was trust me over acting, pretending to be very happy, then mum broke down, dad got irritated, & I was just confused, Wat on the earth is goin on????? I kept quite. After reaching home all were normal, for sometime, My parents were absolutely going bonkers, My mum yelled at me for some reason(silly silly silly reason) which made me cry, I was going through this craaziness since morning, & it had reached the threshold now, We got into a fight & surprise surprise, she did not utter her patent dialogue to me, & the moment of enlightenment... they weren't happy about me moving away... leme get this straight.. Me going for MBA, Passed with flying colors, rocked the PI= HAPPY whereas me off to Pune= NOT HAPPY!!

              I am usually not expressive, i never say Love you, Miss you to my friends, never had a boyfriend to be experienced to say those words, hugs, all that filmy drama is a BIG NO NO.. very tacky... So I had no option but to assert it... I kept saying that its good, Mum will finally get rid of me... its been a week now, we hadn't had a single fight, lil things iritate dakku, but he knows were to stop unlike mum.. : / .

               But anyway, its just a matter of 2 years, its not like m gonna stay away for long, & its Pune barely 4 hours from Mumbai, not Canada! Wonder what will happen when I get married?

              Anyway, the point is, They Love you, They Hate you, dusro ke bacche are the best, we are worst, they wanna drift you away, but secretly they detest it, they irritate you, No guy/ gal will be best for you, they even hate Ur spouses, sometimes your closest pal, god knows, they are so complicated. But we love them anyway right.. afterall They are all that you need & want, whats more comforting then pouring the agression of work on your mom, or whats more soothing they eating Ice cream form dads share, I know M the Devil, But its ok.. they love me... So who cares!!

Salman Khan v/s SRK.... (Talk to my hand )

         After a super busy n exhausting week I had a chance to chill at work… trust me I was soo bored, as m habitual to this hustle n bustle… Started browsing on net, disk drives... N yay der… I had Jab tak Hai Jaan(yeah ripped, because I am nowhere interested in spending money on not so good thingies)…  Since I had nothing to do… I made up my mind to see the movie, with a lot of interruptions though. .. But hell … I had too... So I did…!!!

     While the movie was on, A friend pinged me on facebook, n generally asked watya doin? I tol him since I have nothing to do, watching Jab Tak hai Jaan… to which he replied SRK.. bakwassss… I lost it there… I don’t understand why on the earth do people fight who is better, Salman or SRK? I mean is it a matter of great concern to know who is mightier... Gosh don’t you have anything else to do? Something valid, concrete & productive… Something for the betterment of yourself or family… what on the earth do you get when defending the two… It’s not like I am a ardent fan of them...in fact I don’t even find them hot or attractive (Puh-lease m a young young, its fine if i think that way).. For me SRK is a spoiled, proud, over confident brutish, much ado about nothing Persona & on the other hand Salman crass, criminal, a bad boy of bollywood who got away with everything… whatever, I am definitely not here to do PhD on them as I have other important jobs… but please I go mad when someone tries bringing up Those futile conversation in front of me… & yeah I have a very good or bad (u decide) habit of analyzing the negative first. I mean Puh-Lease guys get a life, there more to life than just ENTERTAINMENT …ENTERTAINMENT …ENTERTAINMENT…!!! I am very much aware about being human or the donation & social causes the two have done… but WTF, Why should I care about it.  Isn't it sad that people, youth particularly now know actor ke mama ka beta, ya actor ki saali, then the names of our Home Minister, or about the news happening at the border…? Who should be blamed here,  I am so glad that my parents upbringing and etiquette have made me sane enough to differentiate between sensible, profitable, ethical, smart etc & futile, cheap, crass, rugged, raunchy etc etc. The revealing clothes or so called attire n fashion labels that actors or models or for that matter item girls carry is the base of all the crimes against women happening in India, For that matter me being a girl will never go for a guy who stalks me, stares at me, gives me dirty looks, follows me on my way to home… where does the inception of these ideas emerge? Movies? Dhobi Ghat… I loved it… is considered a flop where as films like Hey Baby, Issaqzade, Dabang, Tees Maar Khan are considered entertaining & Mega Hit, hey Bhagwan.. Kill me!!!  What did Isshaqazade teach one? Yet item numbers and rape scenes are not the main problem. After all, cabaret dancers and villains are not role models. What's truly terrible is the manner in which film heroes have for decades pestered, stalked and forced their unwanted attentions on heroines in a thousand films, yet ended up getting the girl. That sends the most outrageous of all messages to the public: pestering girls is what heroes do, and a girl's "no" actually means "yes.”  Heard and was aghast at justification from actresses Sharmila Tagore and Divya Dutta yesterday in an interview on commoditization of women in movies by saying - "...you have to give public what they want"...really?? Lets start giving people drugs, prostitutes and children for abuse, am sure lot of people demand that too! ?Media or Movies precisely are a way of better communication; why not use it perfectly, Dhoom the much talked action film with the Blank John Abraham gave rise to super stylish robberies… Where are we heading to? I know Spending 300 rupees on weekend in theatre showers you with a little ENTERTAINMENT… But what after that? That’s it? If it is… then its below my IC, it’s useless trying to make such a insane , stupid n a way to stupid person  understand, I should even deprive myself form insulting them, too foolish to insult too…

Anyway, that’s it, Follow the Gandhi rule…
"See no Evil, Hera no Evil, Speak no Evil"

Not completely…The era is long gone, but try doing it…!!!

M BaCk.. :P

     This time when I was face to face wid my dashboard, I mad a pact wid it saying, no moree rona dhona.. M feeling so right, so happy, so energetice like never before... I know nobody is interested , but still... my life is turned downside Down.. :P

      

Pillow Closet

I sink my head every night,
With thoughts so heavy to my plight.
A support to every little girl,
it moulds the way I want it to curl.

It lives a slow death with every punch,
of anger or certainty of desperate longing crush.
It seeps in every tear that hides all day,

And locks the wet secrets until the morning of a new day.

It breathes with me as the lights turn out,
Stores my screams with a deep sunken shout.
It locks away all the secrets I share,
Would never let the world know I feel so spare.

I know you would never lay an emotional trap,
Because you can store as many thoughts I want to tap.
You were always there for me since my cradle days,
To just keep my secrets in your closet to never remind me of them in anyway...

Secret Reunion...!!!!

        

Unusual, yet True..
                 Some people , something, take crazy amount of space in our mind, Like this Gentleman....

         I Dream of him, not once, not twice, but quite some time now. There was a time, we used to chat day & night, but that didn't lasted long, its was just a very superficial friendship, he came across many pretty faces, interesting minds, & I got sidelined, since I hate one way traffic, I moved on too, Due to carefree nature, wandering mind, optimism, adventure and goal oriented approach did attract me first... but then that was long back... I came in touch with really cool studs as well..


        Its been ages now, I don't even like him, I mean we don't even say hi to each other, but I end up dreaming only about him, no one else ever, not even my crush... OMG! Something about him is so intriguing, something about his name, something about his way of conversing, something something I dunno. There is a connect, some where, I m sure, I am not the one who believe dream do come true type, But some where deep in my conscience I want them to at least trigger and happen...They are so beautiful, so endearing, I just can't let go, I dunno why... may be cause of his intellect, his superiority, maybe courteousness, the warmth I feel, the i want you feeling ... may be...blush blush...!!!

Gone... :(

      Its been 6 months that he is gone, I never ever thought in my wildest dream that a girl like me, can miss some one so much, I mean death is a part of life, it happens, n happens to everyone. why is it that I am still feeling something missing in my life.

     The day he stopped breathing was not this painful, we all knew it, after spending 2 months in the hospital, seeing how it was troubling him, how he long to eat only ice cream, his smiling face no matter the trauma he was going through, him recognizing only me & no one else from the family, him getting irritated at grandma yelling at him to take his medicines diligently, his eyes conveying the pain, though he tried to hide it.. I remember it all.

     I find my self crying to sleep missing him, It happened yesterday when while cleaning the closet i found him spectacle box with few pens & his shaving brush, made me broke up... I miss him sitting near the window with his chair, solving the crosswords, his favorite pass time, he loved kulfi.. he has always been carefree, forgiving and always calm, I miss him telling me stories, I miss him getting me mango bites, He had a habit of saving papers, pamphlets, etc etc. He was different, he was crazy, he was unaffected, he was strong, he was not a quitter, he survived 2 paralysis attacks, he insisted on going alone to temple every morning.. he was egoistic, No matter how bad people were to him, he remained unchanged, forgiving & a fighter... no doubt why my father is so perfect.

    Nobody pampered me as much as he have, he has always taken my side, it was when i lost my red sketch pen, when I shattered the wall clock while playing with the basket ball, while messing up with the coffee, when i lost my brand new watch... he has always been there, he also saved the his share of kheer for me.. he showed my certificates & marsheets proudly, showed me off as his treasure during wedding n social gatherings, fought with dad when he was mad at me.. I don't know, I am not going to get it all again, speacially after has has left us all.

    I regret not getting enough time spending with him specially during his ill & weak time, i miss him, so does all, may be that's the reason we don't talk about him  much, Gingu misses him too, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them too, the way you expect, the way you imagine, & you realize the true value of a person when he is gone, this time forever, i think he was the best grandpa one could ever have.. I really miss you.. where ever you are, I know you are somewhere around