M BaCk.. :P

     This time when I was face to face wid my dashboard, I mad a pact wid it saying, no moree rona dhona.. M feeling so right, so happy, so energetice like never before... I know nobody is interested , but still... my life is turned downside Down.. :P

      

Pillow Closet

I sink my head every night,
With thoughts so heavy to my plight.
A support to every little girl,
it moulds the way I want it to curl.

It lives a slow death with every punch,
of anger or certainty of desperate longing crush.
It seeps in every tear that hides all day,

And locks the wet secrets until the morning of a new day.

It breathes with me as the lights turn out,
Stores my screams with a deep sunken shout.
It locks away all the secrets I share,
Would never let the world know I feel so spare.

I know you would never lay an emotional trap,
Because you can store as many thoughts I want to tap.
You were always there for me since my cradle days,
To just keep my secrets in your closet to never remind me of them in anyway...

Secret Reunion...!!!!

        

Unusual, yet True..
                 Some people , something, take crazy amount of space in our mind, Like this Gentleman....

         I Dream of him, not once, not twice, but quite some time now. There was a time, we used to chat day & night, but that didn't lasted long, its was just a very superficial friendship, he came across many pretty faces, interesting minds, & I got sidelined, since I hate one way traffic, I moved on too, Due to carefree nature, wandering mind, optimism, adventure and goal oriented approach did attract me first... but then that was long back... I came in touch with really cool studs as well..


        Its been ages now, I don't even like him, I mean we don't even say hi to each other, but I end up dreaming only about him, no one else ever, not even my crush... OMG! Something about him is so intriguing, something about his name, something about his way of conversing, something something I dunno. There is a connect, some where, I m sure, I am not the one who believe dream do come true type, But some where deep in my conscience I want them to at least trigger and happen...They are so beautiful, so endearing, I just can't let go, I dunno why... may be cause of his intellect, his superiority, maybe courteousness, the warmth I feel, the i want you feeling ... may be...blush blush...!!!

Gone... :(

      Its been 6 months that he is gone, I never ever thought in my wildest dream that a girl like me, can miss some one so much, I mean death is a part of life, it happens, n happens to everyone. why is it that I am still feeling something missing in my life.

     The day he stopped breathing was not this painful, we all knew it, after spending 2 months in the hospital, seeing how it was troubling him, how he long to eat only ice cream, his smiling face no matter the trauma he was going through, him recognizing only me & no one else from the family, him getting irritated at grandma yelling at him to take his medicines diligently, his eyes conveying the pain, though he tried to hide it.. I remember it all.

     I find my self crying to sleep missing him, It happened yesterday when while cleaning the closet i found him spectacle box with few pens & his shaving brush, made me broke up... I miss him sitting near the window with his chair, solving the crosswords, his favorite pass time, he loved kulfi.. he has always been carefree, forgiving and always calm, I miss him telling me stories, I miss him getting me mango bites, He had a habit of saving papers, pamphlets, etc etc. He was different, he was crazy, he was unaffected, he was strong, he was not a quitter, he survived 2 paralysis attacks, he insisted on going alone to temple every morning.. he was egoistic, No matter how bad people were to him, he remained unchanged, forgiving & a fighter... no doubt why my father is so perfect.

    Nobody pampered me as much as he have, he has always taken my side, it was when i lost my red sketch pen, when I shattered the wall clock while playing with the basket ball, while messing up with the coffee, when i lost my brand new watch... he has always been there, he also saved the his share of kheer for me.. he showed my certificates & marsheets proudly, showed me off as his treasure during wedding n social gatherings, fought with dad when he was mad at me.. I don't know, I am not going to get it all again, speacially after has has left us all.

    I regret not getting enough time spending with him specially during his ill & weak time, i miss him, so does all, may be that's the reason we don't talk about him  much, Gingu misses him too, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them too, the way you expect, the way you imagine, & you realize the true value of a person when he is gone, this time forever, i think he was the best grandpa one could ever have.. I really miss you.. where ever you are, I know you are somewhere around

    

 

If I Push You Away...

 Its Only Because I Want You Closer... 

Tired...

Hate to say dis, but m tired, frustrated, irritated coz of rejection... i hate it...!!!

        I badly badly wanted to get in DAT FIRM.. Its been my dream ever since i registered for BMM... n i hate giving up.. i have given 3 interveiws so far... de need xperience... goshh... how can one decide widout giving a fair chance, gimme a chance to prove it...n later if its not good.. den i will walk away... but are de so blind to see my urge???????? my dedication, devotion n determination to put in my 1000%????

       I feel like punching each one,, aarrgghghhhhh... one day I am going to do somtin so gr8 n huge dat de all will regret it...!! cry cry cry... I jus cant express how bad i feel..!!! Mum Says its impossible to get in, she is so very adamant dat i shud complete one year with dis agency m working wid( but i don feel like, u knw its like m not meant for dis place.. people are gr8, but den somthin r jus not meant to be)... 

        I feel I am a hypochondriac. I can deny it by elaborating all the issues and symptoms I deal with. Or I can be in denial about my issues by getting a certificate for hypochondria. I don't know which one is better. I do know that some days are hard. And I think if someone diagnoses some kind of a cancer in me, I will be relieved, not distressed... aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..!!!!

      May be mn jus over reacting, but m very mush worthy, i know it, i can do it, so much better den anybody else... may be i jus have to be a lil pateint, may be m too lil to get in der, may be m jus a gr8 entertainer for the almighty n he still loves watchin me strugglin, panting, climbing, running, may be he know i can do it, BRING IT ON.. mein chodne wali nahi hu, I will continue fighting n chasing things i deserve n things i want, n I am gonna make it so difficult for u to turn me down, aap bhi kya yaad rakhoge!!!

      Someday, M gonna make it happen, not always I will let destiny, life, almighty, n some people deprive of happiness i TRULY DESERVE..!!! M young, vibrant, smart, confident, go getter n i know i can, n i will...!!!

Let Go :)

Let It Go...

It will come back..

If its meant to be..!!!

Theres always a Reason...

Theres always a reason, There is...

like..

There's a reason why I love Music...
There's a reason why I stopped loving..
There's a reason why I stopped watching soaps...
There's a reason why I decided to loose weight..
There's a reason why I moved on...
There's a reason why I cry ...
There's a reason why I don climb 2 stairs at a time...
There's a reason why one is needy & stubborn then the other..
There's a reason why Google is powerful...
There's a reason why facebook is sucha addiction...
There's a reason why I am great at crisis management...
There's a reason why time & life doesn't wait for anyone...
There's a reason why I feel lonely at times...
There's a reason why I argue, shout or fight...
There's a reason why a Red Pant wont go well with red top...
There's a reason why I love the blogger dashboard...
There's a reason why I love nights...
There's a reason why I love Animals...
There's a reason why most of us hate waiting, but end up waiting..

There's a reason, May we see it or not, notice it or not, amend it or not, acknowledge it or not, it makes relevant sense or not.. but There's a reason why I just don't know..!!!

crazyy ;)

To do list( for my birthday)

1. Of course, get that job! - Check! I think I am in the right place.

2. Get the ankle fixed - Check! We're almost fixed. 

3. Visit the at least one fort - Check! 

4. Make one long trip to the kokan - Check! It was brilliant!!

5. Make another long trip to Rajasthan in the winters - Still on the list. Maybe this year.

6. Buy a car - Changed my mind.(way to expensive.. mite take 3 yrs)

7. Help folks redo the house – they don’t listen!

8. Pick up a new hobby – ummm partying mabbe… ;P

9. Learn a new language, Spanish maybe - I took exactly four lessons. 

10. get a new watch: Check..!! It’s a-m-a-z-i-n-…!!!!

11. Find an occasion to wear that black dress - It's still in the cupboard. :-/

12. Burn up the past for good - Well, cannot claim to have burnt it. But I have locked it up. 

13. Clear my wadrobe – well chuck that not a good idea 

14. Actively participate in at least one initiative of Population First NGO - Unfortunately didn't.

15. Invest in silk, silver and a lot of green! :D - White count of my cupboard has reached an embarrassing number. :D

16. Try quitting consumption of bread, rice, Maggie - I quit for a short period, and now just consume lesser than I did last year. 

17. Try about three different hairdos - Done, of course…

18. Make the line clearer - It is clearer than it ever was. 

19. Get hot new paired glasses – Aviator... yeah baby!!

20. barring that dress get rid of all black colored things in my life – how can I, love black

21. Cut down on unnecessary loyalties - Taken care of.

22. Spend less time online - Work does ensure that I spend less time online... comparatively

23. Start reading again - Err... time doesn’t permit me, but I am trying

24. Take dance classes (to burn the oodles of weight I have put on) - I think I will do it this year. Zumba, or belly dancing..

25. Let it be. - Letting it be. 

That is a good score. Thank you, life. You have been kind. 

Who on the earth gives a damn..????

     I cannot recall the last time I went out of my way to make things easy for somone, or rather go out of the way to be nice to someone. Be kind, helpful to some.. way too much, you know what m saying?? It just leads to sore & sheer disappointments & fake expectation...Why do it when no body appreciated it, respects it, notices it, encourages it...????

     Mabbe thats the most unfortunate, naked , bad fact of our generation, No body cares!!