This isn't the first time I'm lost in a deja vu.. its quite often.. at least once annually, & that annually last for months.. a lil something from that one person makes me forget everything; New hopes, new desire of my inglorious history begets new "should bes" which may never be possible, This is nothing but something that freaks me out as it has some kind of control or power over me, even after 6 long years...
yeah 6 LONG painful and hurtful years which i have spend crying, dying and hoping to get a little attention from that one person. The reason I'm writing this is , today it made me realized how strong, determined, devoted, dedicated and focussed I am, as well as how foolish, insane and fabulously hopeful I am for the wrong thing.. to be precise wrong person... WOW!!!
So proud of myself for unconditionally loving the not so apt person for 6 years, with NIL, absolutely no expectations or obligations, when we started.. I had absolutely no idea, this might be dragged this far, the little time of 5 months of initial, curious, eager and lovey dovey yet friendly chat can lead to this.
Broke many hearts, which I am sincerely sorry for, but i don't regret which makes me realize on the other hand how selfish, choosy and hard headed girl I am who don't bargain for less or anything that is good but not appealing..
I still wonder trying to figure out what we had? What made me the person I'm today? or what was between us? Was it love... can't be, he never wished me on my birthday, was it mere attraction.. how can it be.. we never saw each other, or was it sheer flirting, time pass.. may be, possibilities, Love you, miss you, wer r u? made me fall head over heals in love with him. One can imagine what a fool he made out of a 17 years old naive girl; left her shattered and broken .. wanting more.. its all to difficult to let go, i was so in love with the idea of love...as it got more sweeter and divine with time.. conventional romance.. isn't it? how can i let go?
Now, the scenario is absolutely different, i don't trust any one, specially guys, with baby, babe, honey, i missed you so much.. i rather just stop talking, its funny, how we judge people based on our passed experience, but thats human psyche after all, we tend to generalize.. we do!!
Just one little thing, before i sign off.. don't play, if you don't mean it, its a sin, toying a heart of a girl if you do not wish to reciprocate back with such ardor.
yeah 6 LONG painful and hurtful years which i have spend crying, dying and hoping to get a little attention from that one person. The reason I'm writing this is , today it made me realized how strong, determined, devoted, dedicated and focussed I am, as well as how foolish, insane and fabulously hopeful I am for the wrong thing.. to be precise wrong person... WOW!!!
So proud of myself for unconditionally loving the not so apt person for 6 years, with NIL, absolutely no expectations or obligations, when we started.. I had absolutely no idea, this might be dragged this far, the little time of 5 months of initial, curious, eager and lovey dovey yet friendly chat can lead to this.
Broke many hearts, which I am sincerely sorry for, but i don't regret which makes me realize on the other hand how selfish, choosy and hard headed girl I am who don't bargain for less or anything that is good but not appealing..
I still wonder trying to figure out what we had? What made me the person I'm today? or what was between us? Was it love... can't be, he never wished me on my birthday, was it mere attraction.. how can it be.. we never saw each other, or was it sheer flirting, time pass.. may be, possibilities, Love you, miss you, wer r u? made me fall head over heals in love with him. One can imagine what a fool he made out of a 17 years old naive girl; left her shattered and broken .. wanting more.. its all to difficult to let go, i was so in love with the idea of love...as it got more sweeter and divine with time.. conventional romance.. isn't it? how can i let go?
Now, the scenario is absolutely different, i don't trust any one, specially guys, with baby, babe, honey, i missed you so much.. i rather just stop talking, its funny, how we judge people based on our passed experience, but thats human psyche after all, we tend to generalize.. we do!!
Just one little thing, before i sign off.. don't play, if you don't mean it, its a sin, toying a heart of a girl if you do not wish to reciprocate back with such ardor.
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