Tired...

Hate to say dis, but m tired, frustrated, irritated coz of rejection... i hate it...!!!

        I badly badly wanted to get in DAT FIRM.. Its been my dream ever since i registered for BMM... n i hate giving up.. i have given 3 interveiws so far... de need xperience... goshh... how can one decide widout giving a fair chance, gimme a chance to prove it...n later if its not good.. den i will walk away... but are de so blind to see my urge???????? my dedication, devotion n determination to put in my 1000%????

       I feel like punching each one,, aarrgghghhhhh... one day I am going to do somtin so gr8 n huge dat de all will regret it...!! cry cry cry... I jus cant express how bad i feel..!!! Mum Says its impossible to get in, she is so very adamant dat i shud complete one year with dis agency m working wid( but i don feel like, u knw its like m not meant for dis place.. people are gr8, but den somthin r jus not meant to be)... 

        I feel I am a hypochondriac. I can deny it by elaborating all the issues and symptoms I deal with. Or I can be in denial about my issues by getting a certificate for hypochondria. I don't know which one is better. I do know that some days are hard. And I think if someone diagnoses some kind of a cancer in me, I will be relieved, not distressed... aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..!!!!

      May be mn jus over reacting, but m very mush worthy, i know it, i can do it, so much better den anybody else... may be i jus have to be a lil pateint, may be m too lil to get in der, may be m jus a gr8 entertainer for the almighty n he still loves watchin me strugglin, panting, climbing, running, may be he know i can do it, BRING IT ON.. mein chodne wali nahi hu, I will continue fighting n chasing things i deserve n things i want, n I am gonna make it so difficult for u to turn me down, aap bhi kya yaad rakhoge!!!

      Someday, M gonna make it happen, not always I will let destiny, life, almighty, n some people deprive of happiness i TRULY DESERVE..!!! M young, vibrant, smart, confident, go getter n i know i can, n i will...!!!

Let Go :)

Let It Go...

It will come back..

If its meant to be..!!!

Theres always a Reason...

Theres always a reason, There is...

like..

There's a reason why I love Music...
There's a reason why I stopped loving..
There's a reason why I stopped watching soaps...
There's a reason why I decided to loose weight..
There's a reason why I moved on...
There's a reason why I cry ...
There's a reason why I don climb 2 stairs at a time...
There's a reason why one is needy & stubborn then the other..
There's a reason why Google is powerful...
There's a reason why facebook is sucha addiction...
There's a reason why I am great at crisis management...
There's a reason why time & life doesn't wait for anyone...
There's a reason why I feel lonely at times...
There's a reason why I argue, shout or fight...
There's a reason why a Red Pant wont go well with red top...
There's a reason why I love the blogger dashboard...
There's a reason why I love nights...
There's a reason why I love Animals...
There's a reason why most of us hate waiting, but end up waiting..

There's a reason, May we see it or not, notice it or not, amend it or not, acknowledge it or not, it makes relevant sense or not.. but There's a reason why I just don't know..!!!

crazyy ;)

To do list( for my birthday)

1. Of course, get that job! - Check! I think I am in the right place.

2. Get the ankle fixed - Check! We're almost fixed. 

3. Visit the at least one fort - Check! 

4. Make one long trip to the kokan - Check! It was brilliant!!

5. Make another long trip to Rajasthan in the winters - Still on the list. Maybe this year.

6. Buy a car - Changed my mind.(way to expensive.. mite take 3 yrs)

7. Help folks redo the house – they don’t listen!

8. Pick up a new hobby – ummm partying mabbe… ;P

9. Learn a new language, Spanish maybe - I took exactly four lessons. 

10. get a new watch: Check..!! It’s a-m-a-z-i-n-…!!!!

11. Find an occasion to wear that black dress - It's still in the cupboard. :-/

12. Burn up the past for good - Well, cannot claim to have burnt it. But I have locked it up. 

13. Clear my wadrobe – well chuck that not a good idea 

14. Actively participate in at least one initiative of Population First NGO - Unfortunately didn't.

15. Invest in silk, silver and a lot of green! :D - White count of my cupboard has reached an embarrassing number. :D

16. Try quitting consumption of bread, rice, Maggie - I quit for a short period, and now just consume lesser than I did last year. 

17. Try about three different hairdos - Done, of course…

18. Make the line clearer - It is clearer than it ever was. 

19. Get hot new paired glasses – Aviator... yeah baby!!

20. barring that dress get rid of all black colored things in my life – how can I, love black

21. Cut down on unnecessary loyalties - Taken care of.

22. Spend less time online - Work does ensure that I spend less time online... comparatively

23. Start reading again - Err... time doesn’t permit me, but I am trying

24. Take dance classes (to burn the oodles of weight I have put on) - I think I will do it this year. Zumba, or belly dancing..

25. Let it be. - Letting it be. 

That is a good score. Thank you, life. You have been kind. 

Who on the earth gives a damn..????

     I cannot recall the last time I went out of my way to make things easy for somone, or rather go out of the way to be nice to someone. Be kind, helpful to some.. way too much, you know what m saying?? It just leads to sore & sheer disappointments & fake expectation...Why do it when no body appreciated it, respects it, notices it, encourages it...????

     Mabbe thats the most unfortunate, naked , bad fact of our generation, No body cares!!

FOR BETTER FOR GOOD..!!

This was written 2 months back when, I had gone completely insane... :p

   
     Yesterday was unexpected & unpredictable, He is gone, left me forever, I don't think he will ever come back. But whatever happens happen for the best.. i was holding it so firmly with both my hands, mind, soul,heart that it would have taken me a century to get over it. I appreciate he made the first move, atleast its crystal clear now, I had it in me so deep. I felt like somebody has punched me hard in my chest, suffocated, a vacuum resides there. I will never forget any of it, Its not possible. 

      I have always been unsuccessful in getting what I have always wanted with complete dedication, determination & devotion, I am not competitive, active & bold, I am rather a spectator waiting for things to happen my way. I think I will have to change that.

    Life hasn't changed at all, morning, evenings, nights all peek in & out on usual times... so here i make a firm decision not to let anything at all to take me down. I have deprived myself for the sake of him to many things, wonderful people, I wont let it happen now. There was a time when he was my sole priority, Not anymore.

     Thank you for giving a chance to live, to truly be myself without any rules, regulations, conditions or pretensions. I still didn't figure out why did you walk into my life in the first place whatever the reason may be its was not worth living it, it was, is & will always be dull, dominating, very depressing.

    Thank you for out & making it easy for me.

Kiss the Night,

 let the moon suggest...

How our Fears,

can be laid to rest...

 

.....

Let the world know the misery, we will not dwell in it....

Let the filth fill the ocean, we will not swell in it...

We found Hell in this world, Lets find heaven in it...

11 hints :)

"Eleven Hints for Life"

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.